Unnecessary worrying

“Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.”  Proverb

If you haven’t had a chance to read last weeks blog, I urge you to do so.  That way, today’s blog will make more sense to you.

This will probably be the hardest blog I’ve written so far.  It’s going to be hard to relive these feelings, I’m going to open up to you and be very honest and real, and the news I’ll share at the end is heartbreaking.

Back in October, my daughter, Alexis, sent me an email telling me that she was interested in going on a Global Brigade trip. There were 3 different locations she could choose from. Being the Mom that I am, I researched which location was the safest.  And gave her the recommendation on Nicaragua; really not thinking Alexis would go thru with this trip.  To my surprise, she decided to do it.  That’s when my worries began.  If you know me well, you know that I worry A LOT!  I can blame it on my genes, or being a woman, or being Italian, or “just who I am”.  I’m just going to own the fact that I worry with no excuses why.  Yes, I try to stay positive but worrying is truly a struggle for me and something I try to improve, daily.

This trip to Nicaragua for my daughter was definitely a test for me.  Starting with all the inoculations she was required to get before going.  I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say, I think she had to get every vaccine mankind created. And we all know the horrible side effects some of these vaccines cause.  Yep, I worried about all of them.  Then my wonderful daughter, being the conscientious person that she is, sent me a powerpoint on the risks going on this trip had.  Loved that she wanted to keep me informed….hated the fact that now there were a billion other things to worry about.   On top of her health being top-of-mind, she then informs us that there is no cell service or ways to communicate!  WTF!!!!!

As the holiday’s approached (Alexis was set to leave on this trip Jan. 3rd), I dreaded everyday, every holiday that passed, I couldn’t make this trip a reality in my mind.  I refused to speak about it.  But as we all know, time doesn’t stop.  The day came when she left.  (I’m literally crying as I write this because the feeling of this day is overwhelming).  Now comes the worries of her traveling.  The flight to Nicaragua then the 2 hour bus ride to their compound.  We were supposed to have received an email from the school informing us that they made it safe to the compound.  And this email should have been received Sunday night around midnight.  Well……no email or communication that they are safe.  That was the worst night of my life.  The thoughts that went thru my head were unbearable.  I was literally sick!  Until Monday morning at 10am when we finally got communication that they were safe.

The week that she was there went relatively well for me.  Yes, I worried but not too bad.  Each day that passed, I became more proud of my daughter and what she was doing.  She was making a difference in the world!  Then the day came to travel back home. I worried again but more excited she was coming back!  As you know from her blog, she arrived home safe, enjoyed herself and really grew from the experience!  That’s my baby!!!!!

A few days passed after Alexis got home safe, I learned of a horrific accident that happened with another Global Brigade team.  Here’s a link to the news article.    One of the worst fears that I had when Alexis was gone became a reality for so many other parents.  My heart hurts so bad for those families involved.  I pray God gives these people strength to cope with this tragedy.

I know worrying is a total waste of time.  Did it do me any good during Alexis’ trip…..absolutely NOT!  Worrying doesn’t prevent things from happening or change the outcome. Worrying takes your present time away.  Worrying zaps you of your energy and consumes you.  97% of things you worry about doesn’t even happen.   I’m stating these things more to remind myself than to tell you.  Will I ever stop worrying? Probably not when it comes to my kids.  But I’ll keep trying.

Pictures taken from Alexis’ trip…


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